


melting pot

by tackypanda



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Colonist/Ruthless Background, F/M, Pre-Relationship, Renegade Shepard - Freeform, tbh everyone is in it but those listed speak the most
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-04 22:42:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10291874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tackypanda/pseuds/tackypanda
Summary: Shepard has a secret talent for cooking that's taken a backseat to her duty as the galaxy's savior. At least, until a bet's involved.





	

When Ivy didn’t have more pressing matters to tend to - rare, but it happened - the crew noticed she tended to hover around the kitchen. Sure, she’d make herself look busy by speaking with Dr. Chakwas or Garrus, or arming herself with a datapad to stare at, but she was in the general vicinity too much for it all to be a coincidence. Everyone who didn’t speak with her regularly were baffled - they’d heard tell of her odd habits that she used to cope with her _severe_  anger management issues, but watching meals being prepared with no indication of hunger came out of left field. Frankly, Gardner was getting nervous.

“Uh, Commander?” He finally blurted out when she showed up just as he was about to prepare dinner. “I hope I’m not crossing some sort of regulatory line by asking, but is there any reason behind you watching me like a drone while I cook?”

“I can’t go where I want on my own damn ship?” She stopped herself, clearing her throat while she straightened her posture. “I, uh-- I was curious. I’m a cook myself, you know.”

The crew deck fell completely silent, the attention of everyone in the vicinity on the Butcher of Torfan: a terrifying specter of a woman, and a _chef_. Those things didn’t exactly go together. “Really?” Gardner was the first to break the silence, smiling uneasily as he rubbed the back of his neck. “You never mentioned it before.”

She merely shrugged in response. “Never came up.”

“So, what then? Were you waiting for a chance to jump in, or something?”

She noticeably flushed at that, and she cleared her throat again to give herself an excuse to cover up her mouth. “Like I said, I was just curious. Watching you work, and all. Haven’t gotten to really _use_ a kitchen in some time.”

“Is that so?” He crossed his arms, leaning back against the cupboards with a smirk. “Never been in a situation like this; if you’ll allow me, I think we could make something out of this. A little competition?”

Ivy perked up, the fire in her green eyes igniting. “I’m listening.”

“You cook dinner with the ingredients we’ve got. See if you still got it. Seeing as we both have the free time... loser gets to scrub the toilets tonight.” One of the crewmates sitting at the table sucked in an audible breath; if Gardner thought Shepard wouldn’t harangue his ass for daring to suggest--

“Deal. Enjoy your night off - you’re going to have to work extra hard from now on if you want to match the flavor of _my_  dishes.”

Oh. Thank god.

The foot traffic on the crew deck increased exponentially after that, as EDI took it upon herself to inform everyone of the ensuing “special meal, or as Shepard told me to describe it, ‘culinary smackdown’”. Garrus, Tali, Kasumi, and Zaeed were the ones who stayed the longest, huddled together as they watched Ivy flit around the space with the same ferocity she gave to everything else. “I’ve never been more pissed to be dextro,” Garrus huffed, his mandibles clicking. “I’d give the other side of my face to be able to taste what Shepard puts on a plate.”

“I’m more surprised we never knew she could cook.” Tali craned her head as Ivy separated the ingredients into orderly piles for the third time, humming a bit. “Not that she’s actually _started_...”

"It is kinda convenient, huh?” Kasumi chuckled. “For all we know, this could be some sort of elaborate plot to poison us. We’ve finally made her snap.”

“Shepard’s not the type to poison, too subtle. She’d barge in guns blazing if she was ever done with us.” The rest of the group couldn’t tell if Zaeed was serious or sarcastic; the crooked grin on his face wasn’t much indication.

“You guys know her best, what do you think?”

Garrus shot Tali a knowing look. “It’s possible.”

“But _not_  probable, thank you.” Tali shook her head. “Besides, even if she did poison you, _we_  would be just fine.”

“I can hear you.” Ivy punctuated her hiss by slamming a pan down on top of the stove. “I can’t get shit done when you’re staring and whispering, go somewhere else.”

Garrus recognized the edge in her tone right away, not borne of anger but unease, and it seems the others did too as they all approached their increasingly erratic commander. “You know you’re supposed to _cook_  the food, right?” She’d grown increasingly more receptive to his habit of breaking the tension with dry humor, but all he got from her was a glare and her back turned. “You... need some help?”

_That_  got her attention. “If I needed help, I would have asked for it.” She pat her hair down, resting her hand on her forehead for a moment. “What I _need_  is some water, so excuse me.” She made a beeline straight for the bathrooms without another word, leaving an uncomfortable air behind her.

Zaeed grunted as he rolled his shoulders back. “I’ve got better things to do than play witness to dinner theater without any goddamn food. Let me know when she’s done.” The others looked to and from the counter to the bathrooms, unsure of how to proceed.

“It’s probably best to leave her alone right now. I’d know what to say if we were dealing with a failed op, but this is just... unfamiliar territory.” Garrus managed a chuckle. “She’s got the aversion to vulnerability of a turian.”

“I could get Thane, you know.” The smile on Kasumi’s face was small, but sly. “I don’t think anyone else on the ship is as good at putting her at ease.”

 Tali looked damn near horrified, at least as much as she could with her mask. “I... don’t think that’s worth it.”

“Oh, you guys have no idea. I hear her coming and going at all hours - long conversations, sparring, _meditation_. He’s effective; I think it’s nice.” She already started making her way over to Life Support. “All that’s left is to admit they like each other.”

In the bathroom, Ivy splashed water on her face for the fourth time in a row, willing herself to feel an effect from it other than just a chill. She was Commander Fucking Shepard - human Spectre, savior of the Citadel, the woman who always got the job done no matter the cost. Why couldn’t she make a fucking meal anymore without feeling like the galaxy was going to collapse around her?

A soft knock at the door broke her out of her thoughts. “What?”

“Shepard? Kasumi thought it prudent I should check on you.” Normally, hearing Thane’s voice alone calmed her considerably. Now, it just irritated her further. “May I come in?”

“You’re knocking on the wrong fucking door, but sure. Fine.” She never would have helped Kasumi with the greybox if she knew what a damn annoying meddler she’d be. Thane entered then, moving to stand behind her and wait for her to face him. “So? Unless you’re here to give me something to hit, I’m not in the mood.”

“I never knew you could cook.”

She shut off the water with a grunt. “If I hear that one more time today, I’m--” Her eyes met his through the mirror as he took a sip from the mug he held, and she suddenly felt compelled to take a deep breath. “Yeah. Thought it was wise to keep it on the down low. For one thing, I never had the time to whip up a whole meal when I prioritized the Alliance over everything else. And I didn’t wanna risk getting stuck as a mess sergeant if the sexist jackasses I had to deal with found out I actually _enjoyed_  making food.” She snorted at the memory.

“I’m sure you wouldn’t have let that happen, regardless.” He smirked, prompting a smile from her in turn.

“Damn right.”

“Tell me about it. What prompted your interest?”

She sighed, turning to lean back against the sink. “My mom was hopeless when it came to food. I mean, we lived on a farming colony; we had fresh ingredients in our and our neighbors’ backyards but she couldn’t do anything with them. I mentioned that my dad liked building synthetics, right? Well, he never _actually_  made a fully functional one, but he got close with what was supposed to be a personal chef. But I wasn’t content to wait, so... when I wasn’t screwing around trying to hone my biotics on my own, I learned how to cook. I was like a novelty - I was just a kid but I could _cook_ , and my parents made sure everyone knew. I loved the attention, so whenever someone wanted food, I did it.” Her head lolled back as she was caught up in the memories. “I’ve always been good at self-teaching.”

She never talked about life on Mindoir before the slavers came; she mentioned it briefly when her squadmates on the SR1 needled her enough, but never so in depth that she went off on tangents or spoke of things that made her smile. But Thane? He had her spilling about her parents, her friends, her favorite places to be - and all he’d had to do was _ask_  and look at her like he didn’t even posses the capacity to judge.

It was dangerous.

“But uh, you know, that’s all in the past. Haven’t picked up a knife that wasn’t an omni-blade in years. Don’t even know why I’m trying now.”

“From the announcement EDI made, I gather you were unable to resist a competition. As usual.” He merely chuckled when she flipped him off. “Still... I will not press you, of course, but I suspect there’s another reason why you’re doing this now, of all times. Why it bothers you so.”

“Everyone thinks this is all a big set up for a mass poisoning, if that’s what you mean.”

He tried desperately to hide a laugh behind a cough; he was mostly successful. “Ah. That seems... unnecessary.”

“That’s what I think.”

He stepped closer to her, folding his hands behind his back. “That sort of accusation wouldn’t normally bother you so much.”

She grunted again, moving to wipe her hands. “You know, I’ll concede that we’re friends, but presuming to know how I’m feeling really pisses me off.”

“So I see.” He moved to the corner of the room, drinking from his mug again, seemingly uncaring. He pulled this with her sometimes, letting her go off on her tangents while conveying he didn’t approve at the same time. How well that tended to work was infuriating. “I have nothing else that needs my attention, Shepard, I can stand here for the rest of the evening.”

“Oh I’m _sure_.” She began to pace then, a familiar routine; part of her told her they probably shouldn’t be doing this in the crew bathroom, but she didn’t care right now. Another part of her scolded her for acting as difficult as she always did - something she was supposed to be _changing_  - when Thane was here to help, ever present and more patient than anyone else had been with her in a long time.

That she did care about.

“I...” She gripped the lip of the sink; talking about her feelings still proved harder than maneuvering a battlefield. “Tensions are high since what happened on the Collector ship, and we’re all busy with getting ready to go after the IFF. I-- ugh, nothing.” Thane moved to stand next to her, and she nearly laughed about how the weight of his presence was enough to make her feel like she could continue. “I wanted to do something nice for the crew, believe it or not. But I don’t know if I can still work without a recipe, or even work _with_ one - do _anything_  that’s not crushing heads or war-related. And if they think I’m trying to poison them, they don’t deserve my damn cooking.”

“I am surprised the shock of you doing something to lift their spirits with no ulterior motive hasn’t sent several in cardiac arrest already.” She gave him a side-eyed glare, but it lacked the usual fire behind it; progress. “Good natured teasing will always happen when command doesn’t have a choke hold on their crew; on a mission like ours, Shepard, one of the best opportunities you can give them.”

“Hrmph.”

“When every single person who tastes your food lives through the night, the teasing will stop. Allow them this, and allow yourself to indulge in something that used to give you joy, even if it’s only this once, and if only to win a bet. You will feel more at peace for it; we all will.” 

She blew out a breath so hard it fogged up the mirror in front of her. “I feel like I’m on the schoolyard, getting all uppity about teasing.”

“I have suggested you examine enough of your behavior for one day. If I say anything more, I am wary of what you might do.”

“Well _now_ I’m curious.”

“Your ego is--”

“Okay, yeah, stop.” She snorted again, shaking her head. “I... thanks. For being there over and over _and over_  again. I-- ahem, we wouldn’t have been able to get this far without you.” She cleared her throat harshly. “And for calling me out on my shit. As always.”

He chuckled again. “You do the same for me, Shepard. I only seek to balance--”

“Yeah, I know. But... still.” 

He smiled at her, a dim fire in his eyes that she’d only been noticing recently. “Would you like to meditate? It may help.”

She scoffed, her shoulders seizing up. “God no.”

“I had to try.” They stood there for a few moments longer in companionable silence, and it was only when someone else entered that Ivy realized their hands had been inching close enough to brush.

“Oh, hell-- sorry, Commander. Sere Krios.” Though the girl clearly had to use the restroom, she still scurried out when two of the most dangerous people on the ship turned their primal ire at being interrupted on her. Ivy regained her composure quickly, but Thane still seemed visibly distressed, if only a little. Odd, but she had other things to worry about. She gave him a firm nod before leaving, and descended upon the kitchen in a flurry as she got to work.

The crew only had to wait another hour before dinner was ready, and most all of them were congregated on the crew deck for once, even the more reclusive Jack and Grunt. “It’s just filet mignon, not the fanciest dish I could have made, but I always made a good one back on Mindoir,” she said as she dished out plates. Gardner make a distinct “pfeh” sound, but Ivy was too nervous to pay him mind. Yes, the woman was indeed _very_  nervous at how they’d react to what was once one of her greatest passions. The feeling was surreal, to say the least, but at least she wasn’t flogging herself for it.

Maybe she wouldn’t be so nervous if people were actually _eating_ instead of staring at their plates like some sort of spectacle. “What, did the stupid poisoning rumor spread far enough to make even the most logical of you people doubt me? Just eat the damn meat.”

“Who wants to go first? Not it.” _Kasumi._

Mordin sniffed his plate, because of course he would. “Detect aroma not typical in such dishes. Spice? Most likely. Kasumi raises interesting point, however. If you were to--”

“It’s just turmeric! A dash of it! I add it to most everything I make, always gives it something extra.”

Jack, surprisingly, made a face. “Ugh, why?”

“What would _you_  know about flavor?”

The sound of Grunt shoving aside his silverware drew everyone's’ attention. “You’re all wimps.” Just as he moved to take a bite, Miranda did as well with a roll of her eyes, and the deck grew silent as their verdict hung in the air.

“Oh, Shepard, this is _delicious_.” Miranda all but moaned before straightening herself. “You’re quite skilled in this as well, it seems.”

“It’s okay.” Coming from Grunt, it was probably as good a compliment as she was going to get. Besides, everyone was already scrambling to have a bite, and that was all she cared about. Varying sounds of pleasure and satisfaction filled the air, and her ego would have grown three sizes had she not noticed Thane was nowhere to found. Instead, it only grew one.

“Do you _not_  know how to make dextro food?” Garrus motioned to the meal Gardner had prepared for him and Tali earlier. “You’re killing us here; the greatest mystery of this mission, and we don’t get to partake.”

Ivy shrugged with a smile. “Never had cause to learn. And I won’t, since I’m retired after tonight.”

“You expect me to go back to the shit Gardner prepares?” The fact that that glittering compliment came from Zaeed nearly made her double over in laughter. “It’s a damned war crime.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Yeah, hate to say it, but I think Shepard’s got you beat, Gardner.” Jacob barely took a breath after speaking before he speared more meat into his mouth.

“And for his crippling defeat, he gets to keep doing his job. Gotta hurt.” Joker tipped his cap to him.

“Ah, forget you. I will say though, this is some exceptional food, Commander. If you’re ever up to teaching an old dog some new tricks...?”

She sighed, but not unhappily. “I’ll consider it.”

Tali let out a snort despite herself, earning an inquisitive look from Garrus. “We should start calling you the Butcher of Tofu.”

The room was deathly silent for a few long seconds, before Kasumi was the first to giggle. Miranda followed, and soon after the entire room was laughing, all save for Grunt who was un-phased picking at what remained of his plate. Teasing _did_ help; Ivy definitely got it.

She took it upon herself to clean up, refusing help even when she had to physically fight them off before they could take anything (Jacob and Tali, of course). Thane only emerged once she was almost done, and as irritated as she was before, it all went away.

“Hey, saved you a plate.” She rose a brow as he continued to just stare at her. She could see the gears grinding his head, but as to what he was thinking about, hell if she knew. “Uh... you gonna take it?”

“Of course. Thank you, it was kind of you to do so.”

“Not gonna deprive you of food just because you showed up late. Besides, you helped me out, thought it’d be fair for you to see what all the fuss was about.”

He smirked. “Yes, I’m _very_  curious. If the sounds I heard all the way from Life Support were any indication, I am in for a treat.” Despite herself, she actually felt herself flush. “You persevered through the night, I trust?”

“That’s putting it lightly.” She eyed the plate next to his. “You know, I haven’t eaten yet either. I was uh-- we might as well eat together.”

His smirk turned into a full blown smile. “I would enjoy that, Ivy.”

She could swear she heard some sort of choked laughter nearby, but she attributed that to the vents. Or maybe it came from her own throat, she honestly didn’t know; she was too thrown off by the sound of her name in his voice and how much she liked it. “Oookay then.”

She kept expecting some disaster to occur and tear his or her attention away from the scrumptious (if she said so herself) meal and great conversation, but nothing happened. Another night of discussing the superficial aspects of the mission and little trifles that didn’t concern life or death, full of smiles and dry humor. And if she happened to notice a cloaked Kasumi ripple every so often, she drew no attention. She’d rather get her alone later when she could trap her in a pull field with minimal fuss, anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be entirely humorous but my shrios-loving ass couldn't resist slipping in a big chunk of angst and ust. also let's pretend large quantities of food cook faster in the future.


End file.
